I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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