sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
