That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
