i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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