just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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