i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
