I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
