I think I died a long time ago.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
