Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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