i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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