How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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