Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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