we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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