If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
