You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
