Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
