I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
