Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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