Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
