somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
