I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
