Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
