She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Life is so much better after having sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
