I need help removing her.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
