im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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