My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
is that a dick in a sweater?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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