I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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