I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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