so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
