he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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