Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
