Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
