Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
