you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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