their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
