You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
