just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
