Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
