what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
