got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
