woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
