That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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