The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
