I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
