whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
