You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
