Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
