she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
