We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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