Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
