So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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