i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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