Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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