So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
