Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
