Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
