i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
